The Best College Lessons #2

My first lesson was all about self validation and accepting myself. The second most important lesson I learned in college was about accepting the way things are sometimes: Everything has its own time, and it's not always when you want it to be.

If you know me, you know that I am one of the most uptight, type A personalities you’ll probably ever meet. I need a plan for everything - I need to know the when, where, who, what, and how. But there are things I don’t get to control. There are things I can’t pencil in and prepare for, and this is one lesson I’ve realized over and over again in the past 2 years.

There are so many times in college this lesson was relevant: starting my recovery, relapsing, doing badly on my prelim(s), getting rejected from clubs and jobs. But the most prevalent instance of this lesson came quite recently.

Most of you know I was in a long term, long distance relationship as of about 2 months ago. It was a huge part of my life, and I was ready for it to be the rest of my life. I had an expectation of myself and my future built upon that relationship, and when it didn’t work out, I genuinely wondered “what the hell happens now?”

So what did happen? Well, I went through the natural sad process that any normal person goes through after a break up. I hung out with my sister, ate some food, went to the gym, and watched a lot of TV (I was still on break, so this was all still considered acceptable behavior). I realized that my previous relationship started when we were both so young, and the plan that I had made for our future when we were in high school probably wouldn’t make us happy anymore. I reached out to so many old friends to say hi and ask for help. I realized how much I had subconsciously neglected some friendships due to the relationship, and I loved reconnecting.

I came back to school with the mindset that in 2019, I would focus on me and only me and I would do everything I ever wanted to do. I joined a million clubs, and I focused on validating myself. I started talking to way more people and spending more time doing things on campus. I booked a trip to Spain with my friends for Spring Break. I was really living up the whole independent, single, new Geena thing, and it was AMAZING. And now? I am tired, I am stressed, just like any other Cornell student. But I am also so happy with the choices I have made while being back at school. I've reminded myself that I am capable of being somebody outside of that relationship that I had been dependent on for so long. I wish I could go back and tell myself that I'm going to be more than ok. That while the breakup seemed to come at the worst possible time in the world, I would actually eventually get so much out of it. I got to reframe my life, and I got to reframe my future. The independent, new Geena is doing swell (if you're wondering about what happened to the "single" part, well, that didn't last ... ) and I hope if anything takes me by surprise now, I'll remember that I'm going to be more than ok. So the next time something goes wrong, try to ask yourself how you'll feel 2 months from now. Will you still feel angry or devastated or lost or confused? Or is there a chance you might actually feel clarity and understanding? Everything happens at its own time. We might hate that time when it happens, but I promise we're all going to be okay.